(1310-06-22) Thoughts and Wishes
Summary: Reflections on her current situation.
RL Date: June 22, 2018 (OOC date)
Related: None
aziza 

1310-06-22 — Menekhet Suite - Guest Tower - Ducal Palace


"When you care….you leave yourself open for pain."

It has been some time since I've written to express my thoughts and that time a lot has happened in the sense of…my thoughts.

I'm tired of hiding….I truly am. I understand the need but I feel it is holding me back. I feel that I could do so much more if I were not hiding. But….it is what is desired of me: to be silent in my work. I suppose it is to keep me safe but I feel if the gods feel it is my time to return to them why should I fight it? But I know why…..he wants me to be better….he wants me to do….better then my predecessors. To acclimate to the changing times. To make allies and be me: genuine.

I've met some interesting people as well. Some are dear to me and others I can see myself being friends with. I may go on a hunting trip soon…it should be fun. Myself and two other ladies that do archery….they are of Alban. I feel I can learn much from them as we have much more in common than they know and…..a ladies hunting trip will be nice. I'm sure my guards will all complain just like Nazir has already but such is life. He grew up with me so he knew what he was getting into.

I have not heard back from in regards to my letter. I know Gauge has his plans but…..I am almost tempted to write home again. But to do so without his knowledge? I couldn't. I must be patient but I am the type to put the bug there and negotiate from there. However he seems to have his own ideas….an he is busy with his own brother's betrothal as well as the arrival of his interesting sister. I am also not sure when we are supposed to head to Caerdicci. Their ambassador Brizia insisted that she inquires first but the longer the wait….so much time as passed already.

Now I am just rambling and Nazir is insisting I go to bed. I do not believe I look as tired as he is making me seem. However I will indulge in a long bath before I crawl into bed.

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