(1310-11-08) Of Brothers
Summary: Anse comes to visit his brother and they discuss treatment paths and a stern brother. WARNING: Discussion of a sexual nature.
RL Date: Thu Nov 08, 1310
Related: The First Sip, We need to talk about Owlie, Coming Clean
anse oliver 

Oliver's Chambers

Through a door of dark mahogany wood one enters into a chamber that has few candles that look barely used. There is a fireplace on wall which doesn't have a door or the small balcony. The tall doors are beautifully built raised stainglass. The bed is more to the center of the room with the head of it against the opposite wall the fire place is one. The bed is covered in dark blankets and pillows. With the large four posters being of painted black wood. %r%rThere is a white armchair that has it's back to the balcony and it's facing the fireplace. It has a matching footstool and chaise. There is a painted black wood trunk in the corner which matches the two end tables beside the bed which do not have a light on them but they do have a cane each. The walls are painted white. There is nothing really visual in the room. There are no portraits, no art pieces, no books…nothing. Just a tidy room.

The blind youth has been moved into the Basilisque residence. Henri has been kept downstairs and not near Oli and he has a guard at his door. Oli is sitting on the balcony with his legs crossed and staring off into space. The cool air from the evening is filling the room. He's wearing loose pants and a really large shirt.

Anse was honestly surprised when his brother is moved to the family residence, and when he comes to the residence its the first time he's been there and it makes for some awkward conversation with the servants. Eventually, Anse is lead to your room where he knocks on the door before entering. "Owlie" Anse says as he enters the room "i'm glad you came here."

Oliver frowns and shakes his head. "I'm not." He speaks softly. "I… told Sebastien about … my habit and he got angry. Basically started acting like Dad…which was scary." He shakes his head. "Said I would be a man if I liked it or not. Or some version of that. Then said a guard is going to be with me all day and night and I was going to go to Kushiel's temple… " He bows his head. "I do not need atonement through pain. I feel enough."

Anse folds his arms as he moves to the balcony and leans against the wall "I told you that Sab would be meaner than I was." Anse says as he watches you "though I disagree with his choice in temples. I dont think you are at a point where you can accept Kushiels justice yet. It takes a certain mindset to reach that point. It took me some time to accept it. But you should visit Eisheth's temple."

Oliver starts crying and bows his head. "I… know in my head that with you both telling me it's wrong I should stop but my heart is begging me to continue." He shakes his head. "When dad died… it got so bad I couldn't sleep. This was the only thing that helped. I was finally able to sleep and I didn't have dreams. Before sleep though, it was like .. .everything felt alive. Now you want to take it from me. You can purge me of it but … I won't sleep. I will feel… empty."

Anse walks over to you and crouches down on the balls of his feet to put an arm on your shoulder. "I understand. I really do. I dont know if you believe me or not, but I do understand. It took me years to finally sleep right at night, and even now I still have nightmares. They are rarer but I still have them. Its so easy to fall into something. I fell into alcohol for a long time. I dont know if you really remember, but I was drunk most nights near the end there before I finally had my realization. Elua filled that hole in me. And I dont think it might be that easy for you, but I know I've been there. It hurts, but there is a way to get better."

Oliver shakes his head. "I… don't remember that." He speaks softly feeling the man's hand on his shoulder. He turns into his brother and reaches his hands out to pull him into a hug. "He wants me better so I can help him. The way he was saying it… Echoed dad." He sniffles. "When did Seb turn into Dad?"

Anse chuckles a bit "hes always been the responible one. He had to be. But hes probably nicer than dad. At least I hope he will be. I still havent talked to him much since the wedding." Anse shakes his head "not that it matters. But we all want you better. We've all had our struggles Owlie, you're not alone here."

Oliver frowns. "The way he yelled. The way he demanded .. it made me not want to be here." He tears up. "I thought if I just die right now I wouldn't have to listen to him demanding of me or dictating my life or threatening me." He curls into Anse and wipes his eyes. "I … know you've had struggles but … I'm not equipped to fix mine just yet."

Anse hugs you back as you curl up into him "I didnt think I was either, and it turns out I was. Fixing things isn't always easy, but you can do it." Anse ruffles your hair a little "I told you Sab would be mean. You know he was always the grownup one" ANse is clearly giving some brotherly teasing with this last comment.

Oliver nods his head and frowns. "I thought you were going to tell him and I didn't want him hunting me down and hitting me with a pan." He grumbles. "I was trying to be upfront with him. Why can't either of you let me try and work this out in my own time? Look… I told someone. That's a good step."

"I wasn't trying to force you to do anything at an extreme pace. I was trying to get you to talk and be open and start down the path. But sometimes you need a push to figure things out. I at least dont think I'm telling you exactly what you have to do."

Oliver shakes his head. "You aren't." He speaks softly. "But sending me to the Kushiel and demanding I get better now so he can use me then putting a guard on me so I can barely pee in private?" He bows his head. "I … feel trapped."

"Well, you can tell Sab I said you dont have to go to Kushiels temple. If he disagrees I'll argue with him in person, but Kushiel needs to be something you go to un acceptance not because of force. I dont think the clergy there would even punish you to be honest. Not yet anyway."

Oliver shakes his head. "He will not listen to me. I begged him not to demand things, not to force me to do anything but… look where I am. I am in my room with a locked door and a guard." He sniffs. "I .. could just jump off this balcony."

Anse ruffles your hair again "tell the clergy at the temple of Kushiel the truth. The wont force you to do anything, if you tell them the honest truth they will understand. Kushiels justice isn't something that can be forced. If you tell them whats in your heart they might hear a confession, but you wont recieve judgement. There is nothing Sab can do about that. You aren't ready for Kushiels judgement, and the clergy there will know that. Dont jump off this balcony. It will get better, I promise." Anse kisses your forehead. "Sab over reacted, but we will all work together as a family. Me and Sab never really had family to work with with our problems, maybe in some weird way you're lucky that we're both there for you even if it feels like a nightmare."

Oliver grumbles a little. "Seb wants me to get married and help politically. I can't do that." He rubs his face. "He has so many plans for me that … I honestly have never heard him yell that loud." He slides into Anse's legs and then leans back against his thigh cause he's getting tired. "I don't want to go to the temple. I … need to be okay first." He bows his head. "My body issues should be handled at the Night Court and my… brain issues at Eisheth."

Anse nods "I agree. I think maybe Elua could help you as well. You know I love you and Sab loves you and mom loves you, but Elua loves you too. I am sure that coming from me it seems like rote advice, but Elua saved me. He loved all of us, and that includes you. Maybe you wont feel him like I did, but companions it moved me." There is another ruffle of your hair "I think I need to finally man up and have a talk with Sab. I've been avoiding him. But me and him dont need to be in a war of emotions with you in the middle. I do think its good for you to be here, even if Sab is over zealous."

Oliver nods to his big brother. "Maybe we can have a family meeting." He points out quietly. "All three of us sit down and talk. There are underlying issues between us and if we are to be a strong family.. we must be one together." He wipes his eyes again. "Though… I am not sure how I would go about going to the Night Court. Do I just walk in and say… I would like my body fixed. Thank you! And they deliver someone to me?"

"Try balm. That helped me a great deal at first. When I just needed someone to see me through the night and heal the hurt in my heart. Otherwise? They are all servants of namaah, but maybe for you after balm, heliotrope is love and that might help. but also perhaps Jasmine. Pure passion. Sometimes you just need to fuck." Anse says this bluntly and honestly like a proper priest of Elua giving advice "and maybe that might be good for you, repressed as long as you have been. Seek some healing, then seek some pure passion. That might be a good combination for you."

Oliver frowns a little and stares off into space. "Uh… do I just walk in and ask for it?" He whispers quietly. "Do you make an appointment?" He rubs his face and urgs quietly. "I am so confused, Anse… I know they serve Naamah but how do I order one?" He slowly pushes himself up as his cheeks flush. "Never mind… no one deserves all this…" He moves into the room, stumbling a bit on the step down.

Anse gets up to follow you "you can walk in and ask for advice. Thats actually what I'd suggest for balm. Or maybe for any house. They are servants of namaah and they will try and guide you towards the right path." He says this calmly as he follows you inside, watching in case you might need help.

Oliver nods his head. "How do assignations work? I cannot sign a contract." He points to his eyes. "It would be considered void because if I cannot see I cannot accept." He points out to his brother.

"I dont see how thats true. Maybe have a witness? I'm not sure in that context" Anse admits "but I am sure you aren't the first blind person they've treated before. And if you are? They are servants of Namaah and maybe they will find a member of the temple of Namaah to witness for you. If they know you are seeking something holy they will help you. Love is a sacred thing afterall."

Oliver frowns. "Why do you think I never signed anything after dad died. A blind man cannot read a contract and then sign it. It would be considered a void of the contract." He feels for his bed and sits down. "I.. guess that's true but how many blind men are noble? They serve Naamah by serving the nobles." He bows his head. "I guess I … can look into it." He grins a little. "I… will go to Eisheth's temple but in my own time. Same with the Night Court… In my own time."

"Thats how you should do these things. Though I will say to you, both will be understanding. You dont need to be afraid. In a way I was lucky, I was already having sex when I realized that I needed healing from namaah. But trust me when I say that they wont be scary or judgemental, they will be kind. And I do think, some time, you should visit the temple of Elua. I will pray with you, but he loves us all and maybe you will feel a bit of what I feel." Anse moves to stand next to you at the edge of your bed "I cried when I first realized it you know. Cried for what felt like hours. Praying at the temple of Elua. When I felt that he loved me and that maybe I wasn't forsaken. That I might have something to live for. I cried and cried and cried when I felt him touch me. But it was healing. Its ok to feel emotions. Sab has to be the strongest amongst us, and I dont envy his position, but you dont have to be as strong as him. So its okay to cry. Its ok to be weak, because in finding that weakness we can reforge it and become stronger and whole again."

Oliver shakes his head. "According to Seb… as a man of Camlach I must be strong so I have to stop acting like a child." He crosses his arms. "He didn't even know what is hurting inside me." He takes another deep breath. "I haven't.. been with anyone since that night. Just the once. Maybe… I liked it too much and I am afraid. Maybe I don't want someone to stand too close to me or my shards will cut them. Maybe I want to hurt someone like I was hurt… I don't know anymore." He speaks softly. "Elua does love everyone. I know that. It's why I have never ended my life. There were many times I wanted to because the pain was too much but I knew Elua would be sad and he still loved me and believed in me."

"Sab's idea of a man of Camlach is silly. Me and him wouldn't agree with that. But I am sure he thinks me a coward" Anse shrugs, which you can hear with the shruffle of his robes "you dont need to rush to being with someone again you know. I just think it may be healthy for you. Its ok to be afraid. Our own desires can be scary."

Oliver shakes his head. "I don't know what my body looks like… what my eyes look like…my face… I feel shame knowing that someone could be looking at a horrific creature and being paid to be nice to me." He whispers quietly. "I am very tired, Anse… can you sleep over like you did when I was younger? It might keep the nightmares away since the guard took all my opium, I know I won't be able to sleep."

Anse smiles at you "of course, I can do that. And dont be worried about that, you may be an ugly bastard but you're not the most ugly bastard" Anse is of course teasing, the kind of easy jokes that would have been regularly shared between the brothers when they were all younger.

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